Still Falling In and Out of Love
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Autobiography of a Poet

I'm still falling out of love with love.


It encroaches on my life
Tearing through my heart
Sudden and quick
It engulfs me
This love which is
Everything of nothing

It alludes true understanding
Causing rifts in time as
From a distance it laughs at me
Hateful and tragic
This love which is
Everything of nothing

It teased me into the light
Then slammed shut on my heart
It has become the biggest lie
I need to rise above
This love which is
Everything of nothing

Unhealed, festering, oozing
Blackened death
Complete, total, unchecked
Consuming, absolute, full blown
This love which is
Everything of nothing

A curse I must bear
A discharge which misfired
Disparity devours me
And I am consumed
By this love which is
Everything of nothing


My love isn't my strength,
He's my weakness.
What should be my joy
Is surely my pain.
The pleasure I expected
Is the disquiet in my soul.
The touch that should thrill me
Never moves me,
Doesn't soothe me.

I just want to be made love to.
Actually, made love to.
Filled in all the right places.
Thrilled to the very core.
Brought out of myself
And then once more.
Let me know the ecstasy
The real passion of the soul.
That one complete, total surrender
Just once let me feel the whole.

My first brief taste of being in love,
Was high and sweet.
Blossoming inside of me from nowhere.
Spreading rapidly, filling my heart,
As it brushed fleetingly against my soul.
It brought me promised passions, laughter and joy.
Taught me humility and how to share.

Shared dreams, shared hopes, shared promises.
It kept me up late at night, talking
About everything and nothing.
It made me glow.  Inner light divine.
As if God had told me a secret.
Which only He and I shared.

It was being in love, as I had always
Imagined it to be.  Blemished, but strong.
It excited me, and made me want to
Create grand symphonies and love songs.
Write beautiful poetry, which I did.
Look towards the future with eagerness.
And on the past, with a fond farewell.

But love's light like all light waned.
Flickered out and was extinguished.
Snatched from me as I tried valiantly to hold on.
In an unguarded instant...gone.
And the loss wrenched me from my fragile post
And dropped me into confusion.
Wondering what had happened, what could have gone wrong.
How does a being leave euphoria, for despair?
And how will the heart bear it?

Should I rant and rave?
And damn his fickle heart to hell.
Do I hide in shame?
At having given so much to one who proved undeserving.
Will I begin to hate?
Where once only love was quartered?
Or drown myself in tears of anguish,
Then stand out in the rain so no one sees me cry.

No. I do none of these.
For where I once loved, I thanked God for the opportunity.
Where I once loved, love in me still remains.
Where I once loved, the one who received it, I cherished.
Where I once loved, love for a while was given to me in return.
So where I once loved, I may no longer be held as high.
But, for one brief moment in time, I was in love.

And God told me a secret, which only He and I shared.